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e m P t Y

We always ignore the ones who adore us, and adore the ones who ignore us.

Saturday, September 13, 2008 ( 2:23 AM )

Sometimes, i do think and ponder about my love life. Am i really forgetting how to love and be loved? It's been 2 years since i was in a relationship. Day by day, i am losing faith in love. One day, it will just falter and extinct from me. And i will watch my friends get married, being only their best man and nothing more than that. Forever a bachelor till i wilt and die.

Gosh i'm just 17 and i think so far. But i am really exhausted. Tired and exhausted to be single. There are times when my friends have other plans and i'm alone. That's the time when i turn into a desperate piece of wood and start calling old friends which i have long forgotten to ask about how's life or i just surf a porn website to kill time. I know i can't depend on friends alone. I need a partner. Someone i can relate to, hold hands, kiss and probably have sex but i am afraid of commitment which kept me single throughout this years. Bloody hell! The most i can be in a relationship is like what.. 6 month?? I'm scared to be alone.

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Dearest Hazel,

I purposely chose yours the last to write because i think you're the most special one. Because you and i had a journey almost alike. Because you know me best and i owe a lot to you. I love you Hazel and when i left, the first person that i couldn't say goodbye to was you. Because you were there for me when nothing was right. You were there for me at Fort, at SOS and all the time i needed you. You know me in and out and that is why it was so hard to leave you. I miss my 'pain int the ass' and my Mr Know-it-All. I miss mocking you, making you feel that you are the most stupid person alive and i'm sorry for that. I'll miss talking crap with you and everything. Please don't ever stop contacting each other. I'll still crash your school and i expect you and Basirun to pick me up at the gate and take turns to accompany me. Now go blog about me and include this note as well! LOL!

A note left at my locker by Sri. I had to waste 15 minutes to read her illegible handwriting and correct her grammar and diction. And the last sentence is soo full of herself!

I am so not in the mood today after i found out that my pay is too puny for me to survive. I still have to pay off my debts and now i have to give a cheap face to my friends to beg for cigarettes because i'll be cigarettes-less for the next two weeks. How dreadful! It's due to the accident week which i took M.C. and the CPF deduction week. Or maybe, Rico was sleeping when he did my payroll! I'm so going to skin him alive if i were to find out that it's true.

But the night got better after Anna and Raudha crash to Hougang and we shared our sex life history at some Kopitiam near Hougang Mall. It was a memorable night for me. Thank you girls!

And lastly, the three of us plan to co-habit when we're all grown up, have cars and cards, have a bungalow and loads of money which includes Ershad which makes it four of us. I shall lay out the plan in my next post. Thank you for reading and have a nice night. Goodbye.