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And so, before i leave for my solitary trip to Thailand, i shall upload some of my memoirs that had just passed considering the fact that my blog is so empty.. Need to beautify it a little..

Ruby tagged me this picture on facebook.. This was taken at Mr Francis' house.. I remembered because i was late from work.. Hehe..
And to celebrate Ain's b'day, we held it at Powerhouse after all the day celebrations.. More pictures will be at Anna's facebook..
The most awesomest picture ever! The artistes of Sentosa!
Me and Lola had Ben & Jerry's at Vivo one fine day.. Yum yum.. Vey mouth-watering..
And this is my NDP costume for Chapter 4? So the Cucu Datok Merah (This dikir barat group)
Can you imagine?? I bumped into Hidayah at NDP training.. I didn't even know that she was part of it.. It's been like ages since i last saw her.. Btw, Hid is by madrasah friend ages ago..

I am really very tired and i feel that i could just drop in front of my screen right now and doze off but i just refuse to fall asleep and i am trying my best to hold back. Around this time is the only time where i can just be with myself thinking about a the whole day that had just passed and looking forward to what's coming up for me the following day.

Everyday, i never stopped wishing for the same thing again and again. And everyday, before i step out of my house, i have to put on my mask and show the whole world my plastic happy face that's hiding too much sorrow.

I always tell people that i have given up but in actual fact i cannot give up because i cannot let go. Everyday i live a lie and everyday, i keep telling more lies to cover up my lies.

I will never have someone in my life whom i can talk to. They are either too far away from me or they have their own lives to live. I will never.

Always be prepared to lose someone that you are too close with..

The truth always hurts.. Always too painful to bear..

I'll bear that in mind abang..

Sometimes when you need something so badly and you would do anything for it, it seemed like moving a mountain to actually achieve that something and it seems so hard to get it. But when you's started giving up hoping for it, it has its way of coming back to you when you least need it and it came at the wrong time. And that moment is where you need to make a hasty yet important decision. I've been through it.

It's funny when people show their care and concern without you realizing it and they show it a manner which you find it hard to accept. Eventhoug its a fact but difficult knowing that SORRY can be be the hardest words to voice out and takes a whole lot of courage to send the most sincere apologies. But what's more hurting is when the person whom you've hurt doesn't accept your apologies. I've been through it.

It's a sad truth but to protect yourself from getting hurt and heartbroken, the best way is to shield yourself from it. And that is to draw a line between colleagues, friends, close friends, best friends, girlfriends and boyfriends. And to draw the line is to not love or let them love you too much. Because a mistake made from you is like a million daggers stabbed to their hearts than a mistake made from just a colleague which means nothing to them. I've made that mistake and i've also felt the stab.

And you'll be surprised at how your own friends can be very understanding no matter how ridiculous and stupid your problem is. Treasure them because they one of the sturdy pillars in your life when all other pillars seems to have collapse. I have made this mistake and i know it won't happen again because i was given an opportunity to redeem myself.

As for myself, i'm just like a bird being chained to my cage and even when the chain isn't there, i refuse to fly and be free when i could because of my own stupidity in believing that i'm still chained.

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